Antagonia.net » christmas

A Visit From Bad Santa!

Tea Berry-Blue — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 21:33:29 +0000

Around Thanksgiving time, my father started talking about how he couldn’t wait to go to the Dollar Tree to buy all the Christmas presents for me and my mother.

Somehow, this prompted the statement, I don’t know if it was mine or my mother’s, that only Bad Santas shop at the Dollar Tree.

This has only escalated over the last few weeks into threats that Bad Santa is coming to visit, followed by plaintive cries of “NO BAD SANTA!!” Or alternatively “ONLY GOOD SANTA.”

As Bad Santa shaped into a figure of myth and legend at the Fougner Family Barn, he developed an origin story which involved him being Good Santa’s younger brother who was always overshadowed by his more successful older brother, Good Santa, and I think he was raised by his evil aunt and uncle in a cupboard under the stairs, because that’s not anyone else’s history. Anyway, Bad Santa’s job is to bring horrible presents to all the naughty boys and girls.

GUESS WHO CAME TO OUR HOUSE THIS YEAR? WE MUST HAVE BEEN VERY BAD.

Bad Santa comes on Christmas Eve before everyone goes to bed. He brings a dead tree and decorates it with old rags to make it look like snow. He brings gifts like gopher traps, fly paper, and paper towels:

I know lots of people are posting their exciting hauls of Christmas gifts, but I CHALLENGE ANY OF YOU TO TOP THIS:

1) Off-brand disposable dental floss pics.
2) A night light without a light bulb.
3) A pack of four fly catchers.
4) A 16 oz bottle of Ajax soap
5) Two disposable aluminum foil cake pans.

YEAH. BEAT THAT BAD SANTA LIST.

When we woke this morning, there was another Christmas Miracle! In the night, the Magical Bad Santa Hat had appeared atop Bad Santa’s tree!

Share/Bookmark

In our house, Santa rides a chicken!

Tea Berry-Blue — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 04:29:44 +0000

That is all.

Share/Bookmark

Merry Christmas from the Wackypants Building Next Door!

Tea Berry-Blue — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 18:05:24 +0000

The building next door to mine gets very festive around the holidays:

That is all! Have a very happy Christmas if you celebrate it, and a joyous Weekend In Ghosttown if you do not!!

Share/Bookmark

Thank you Secret Santa!

Tea Berry-Blue — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 21:56:29 +0000

So today I got a little box in the mail from the gift exchange I signed up for over at hogwarts_elite!

That is earrings, courtesy of pixycat! Who also happens to be my newest addition to my friendslist, so EXCITING ABOUT THAT. Thank you so much!

I’ve also been having some good conversations with Mere today. They go like this:

Mere: (3:15:53 PM) why does my sinus cavity hate me?
Tea: (3:16:20 PM) because when adam and eve defied god in eden, he punished them by creating sinuses
Mere: (3:16:51 PM) oh ok
Mere: (3:36:32 PM) that was a poor move on their part
Tea: (3:36:38 PM) yeah
Tea: (3:36:44 PM) they shouldn’t have eaten that apple
Mere: (3:37:04 PM) slash pomegranate
Tea: (3:41:55 PM) yes
Tea: (3:42:23 PM) but see pomegranate was the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. apple was the fruit of the tree of sinus headaches.
Tea: (3:42:47 PM) little known fact
Mere: (3:46:00 PM) oh, very interesting
Mere: (4:46:51 PM) also, dogs make the worst secretaries
Tea: (4:47:45 PM) well after crocodiles
Mere: (4:48:45 PM) yes
Mere: (4:48:53 PM) but they are very bad at their jobs.
Tea: (4:48:59 PM) yes
Mere: (4:49:06 PM) they either sleep on the job
Mere: (4:49:18 PM) or they are trying to hand me their angry bird toy
Tea: (4:49:35 PM) that is an important task for a secretary
Mere: (4:49:40 PM) crocodiles have the decency to try and eat you
Tea: (4:49:42 PM) if you are the secretary of angry birds toys
Mere: (4:49:49 PM) yes, true
Tea: (4:49:55 PM) yes but they eat the files too
Mere: (4:50:13 PM) but they are effective paper shredders
Tea: (4:50:17 PM) true
Tea: (4:50:24 PM) it’s just that they also shred the desk
Tea: (4:50:32 PM) and the copy machine
Mere: (4:50:43 PM) so they’re a bit overzealous
Tea: (4:50:50 PM) yes
Mere: (4:50:55 PM) they have a true puritan work ethic
Tea: (4:50:56 PM) they like their job too much
Tea: (4:51:08 PM) they should really take some vacation
Mere: (4:51:28 PM) yes, so that they don’t get burned out
Mere: (4:51:39 PM) or in their case, dull
Tea: (4:52:33 PM) there is nothing worse than a dull crocodile
Tea: (4:52:40 PM) except maybe a dog secretary
Tea: (4:53:21 PM) we have had some good conversations today. do you mind if i post them to lj to share?
Mere: (4:53:35 PM) please do
Tea: (4:53:39 PM) hooray
Mere: (4:54:00 PM) i expect the harvard business journal would be interested to hear our managerial perspective
Tea: (4:54:06 PM) i agree
Mere: (4:55:03 PM) secretary #2 is licking himself. sigh.

Share/Bookmark

I walked into work this morning

Tea Berry-Blue — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 15:31:24 +0000

To a box. You know the kind of box. The box that says FLOWERS on it.

Now, there are two things to consider about the arrival of this box.

1) I have never been sent flowers at work. I have been sent flowers on a couple occasions, but not in over ten years, and never, ever at work.
2) I was out on Friday, playing tourguide. So this box had been sitting here for at least three nights. I was very worried that it would be ruined when I opened it, that whatever was in it had wilted over the weekend.

When I opened it, this was inside:

with a note implicating whirled in its delivery.

It also came with lights, but I thought that might be a little much for the workplace. Maybe I should put them around my computer monitor :-P

Share/Bookmark

Unwrapping

Tea Berry-Blue — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 04:23:27 +0000

I started the first part of this post and then realized that there was really no way to adapt it for those of you who are visually impaired, so I apologize most sincerely for that and I did come up with a second half to the post that I hope makes up for the oversight.

Part 1 is A New Year’s Gift for you all: Tea Paper Dolls!

click here to download the printable-cuttable hi-res version!

Instructions: print out with a color printer on oak tag. Cut out with a pair of scissors. Then dress me!
All of the clothes included are clothes I actually own!

Part 2 is a photographic story about unwrapping Christmas presents.

My father got very artistic with the presents this year. This first one was for my mother:

Description: There is a sunshine and a snowman. The snowman is saying “Sun Melts Away the Pounds!” Let me just say that my father’s artistic abilities? Would be the envy of many nursery schoolers.

There were several others with snowmen on them, but the piece de resistance was a drawing on one of my packages:

Description:

In picture #1, there is a picture of what my father claims is a chicken, in spite of the fact that is has four legs and no wings, in front of a box marked “Chick.” The caption says: “Why did Chicken get Present??”

Picture #2 just says “Give up???” And has a bunc h of arrows indicating that we should turn the box over. It is like Laffy Taffy, but with a box! AWESOME.

And Picture #3 is the answer to our riddle! It says, “Answer– If they don’t celebrate Chickenmas, may as well celebrate Christmas… Hey– This ain’t no dumb cluck!

Share/Bookmark

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

Tea Berry-Blue — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 03:07:01 +0000

And all through the house,
My father was making faces with his seafood and disposable festive paperware.

Share/Bookmark

Comic: Mine Pacifier

Tea Berry-Blue — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 04:00:00 +0000

Last comic until the New Year! Have a good one, folks!

Share/Bookmark

Comic: The Best Ornament Ever

Tea Berry-Blue — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 04:00:00 +0000

Comic: O Holy Night

Tea Berry-Blue — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 04:00:00 +0000

I wanted to take this opportunity to wish all of my friends a blessed and holy holiday season. It is very important to remember the real reason why we celebrate at this joyous time of year and to keep the true meaning of the season in our hearts.

O Holy Night

Share/Bookmark