Before I describe the dream to you, there is one detail that I need to explain:

Ribollita is an Italian soup. Its name literally means “reboiled,” and it’s pretty much: leftover soup. But the idea is that you take leftover minestrone soup and boil the crap out of it so that the veggies get really mushy, and then you pour it over day-old bread.

Here is Giada DeLaurentiis’ recipe for it, if anyone is curious.

You will understand when I describe the dream why this is so important.

Most of you know that I frequently dream stories that i am not in, stories that are like I’m viewing a movie. For example, two nights ago I had a dream about a cartoon television show that was like a cross between Venture Bros. and beatonna’s comics. It starred a time-traveling Roman gladiator who was a sort of Brock Samson-esque character who was fighting in the Napoleonic Wars. There was a scene where he pumped his fist at the heavens and shouted “Nooooo!” So that’s what my dreams are usually like.

But in this dream, it was about me.

I was in my new apartment in Queens, unpacking some stuff, alone. It was the evening.

The phone rang.

Another thing you have to know to truly appreciate this dream is that I have not had a landline since I lived in Boston in 2005, and before Boston, I hadn’t had a landline since 2001. When I called Time Warner Cable to get my service switched to the new address, they told me that my bill would actually be cheaper if I added a landline service. Like, by $13 a month. So I added a landline. I don’t even have a phone to plug in, but I will have a line.

Now, in the dream, I was answering my landline.

It was my godmother, who lives in Colorado.

“Are you home?” she asked. It was a weird question, because she called my landline.

“Yes,” I answered.

“It’s happened,” she said.

“What’s happened?” I asked.

“The Ribollita,” she said. “And they say there are fumes heading toward Queen.”

Now, she wasn’t talking about soup. And in my dream, I knew what she was talking about, because the word didn’t mean soup. It meant something that filled my heart with terror.

Again, I have to stop and explain something. In New York City, there is a section of the island of Manhattan where the bedrock is too far below the surface to build skyscrapers– if you’ve ever been to Manhattan, you would know that this is the downtown section between the Financial District and Midtown, where skyscrapers are possible.

In my dream, the Ribollita was a term for a hypothetical geological phenomenon whereby the massive construction in the upper and very lower portion of Manhattan would somehow cause the deeper bedrock in that middle section to buckle and send a massive seismic wave through the island.

I’m not sure how I would have not realized this was going on, or felt any kind of effect from it just across the river, but there you have it. And why in my dream, this phenomenon was named for a kind of soup is beyond me.

So, I gathered up my computer and a few things to take with me, and went outside to wait– and of course to see the effects. A few blocks away from where I am going to live, you can see the whole city skyline, so I went over there, and ran into someone– a woman I know, but I don’t remember who, it might not be someone I actually know in real life– and scanned the skyline. Of course, there were lots of weird spatial anomalies thanks to it being a dream, and when I got to the Empire State Building, it was standing at such an extreme angle that the spire of it was hanging over my head, and bricks were falling from it– yes, I know how completely implausible it is for there to be bricks falling from the ESB, but there you have it.

The river was alight with boats of people trying to escape Manhattan.

And then a brick flew from the other direction, over my head. I turned around, and there was a little boy standing there. I scolded him for throwing a brick.

“They’re angry at us,” he told me.

“Who is?” I asked.

“They are. They did this, because they’re angry.”

I asked again, who.

“I’ll show you,” he said. “Come with me.” And he started walking into a subway tunnel– of course, you should also know that in the area I’m moving to, the nearest subways are overhead, not underground.

But that’s when my alarm rang and I had to go to work.

I still can’t get over the idea that I dreamed of a disaster named after a soup.

In 2004, I moved twice, once across state lines. In 2005, I moved three times, all three times across state lines. In 2006, I had a sort of mini-move that lasted all of a few weeks, then back, then another move. In 2007-2009, I moved once a year.

I really like my current apartment, and I was hoping and expecting to stay here longer, but my landlord tried to raise my rent $200/month with less than six weeks’ notice to the end of term (and yes, for those who might ask, this is legal, if obnoxious).

Sick of horrible Manhattan landlords, and suspecting that Manhattan brokers deliberately put people in apartments that will turn out to be short term so they can get another fee the next year, I decided that maybe it was time to move to Queens.

I started looking in Astoria, but Brendan, my boss and friend, suggested the neighborhood where he and Rina live, and gave me the number of the brokerage they used when they found the home they currently live in.

I made an appointment, and went out looking at apartments. It’s about a half-hour from Manhattan, but with that you get bigger spaces, cheaper rents AND cheaper groceries. I liked the first place I saw, and though I looked at some others (one so big I had no idea what I would do with it), I settled on in quickly.

Let me tell you a few things. My bedroom will be bigger than my current living room. My kitchen will be the size of my bedroom. My bedroom will have more windows than my entire apartment. I look out on a quiet, tree-lined street instead of an airshaft. My electric bill will be included in the cost of the rent.

And for all of this, I will actually be closer to a movie theater and closer to a grocery store than I am now in Manhattan.

Also, these pictures were taken today, Tuesday, not Friday like they should have been!

Some high points of last week–

I flt increasingly comfortable stretching and more flexible overall! I think the highlight of the week for me came on Thursday when I did a routine I hadn’t done in about two weeks. This routine involve toe-touching, and the last time I did it, I could not really get my hands down past my shins without bending my knees. This time, though, my hands went flat on the floor with no problem! I was really proud and excited about that. It was the first quantifiable sign of progress for me!

I also, on Friday morning, officially met my weight goal, which was to hit under 140 lbs. Yeah, then I gorged so much this weekend I gained 2 lbs back, but since weight loss isn’t my main concern, I’m not sweatin’ it. I just felt like I should say so for those of you who are following my fitness adventure and thinking about starting your own. I know it probably doesn’t sound like a ton of weight, but I lost approximately five lbs in four weeks without changing my diet at all, and only making exercise part of my daily life, and I think that is a great thing to know!

Fortunately, I found a great new apartment that I love! And it is much cheaper than where I am living now. Unfortunately, there will be no more walking home for lunch, and that means I need to rethink my exercise schedule.

I also started doing ten minutes of stretching right before bed, which seems to be helping with the restlessness I described last week.

Some routines are still very hard, but other ones I feel like they are much easier than they were when I started. The stretching is something that I enjoy and is so easy! My flexibility is pretty good– If I sit with one leg stretched out, I can old onto my big toe with the fingers of the opposite hand. That’s better than it was when I started.

Still no really visible signs of toning, as far as I can see, but the fact that the routines are seeming easier is a plus for me. I’m also getting higher scores in a lot of the Wii Fit games.

I’ve lost about 2 lbs since I started my exercise. The Wii Fit, ever the overbearing wannabe trainer, thinks I need to lose six pounds. I disagree and will be happy if I maintain my pants/dress size so I don’t have to buy new ones.

Of course, my weight frequently fluctuates up a pound or so in the course of a day. The Wii Fit thinks this is a reason to scold me and tries to tell me I need to think about my calorie intake. I am starting to think maybe I should skip the body test portion and just play the games.

Finally, this week’s pictures:

Also, my good friend whirled has also started recording her fitness activity! You can read hers here! Go, Whirled!

The bees are so friendly and happy! I love having them in the garden! They buzz around all day working hard and then they sleep at night and when you open the hive, the honey smells like cinnamon!

We will have honey in September! In the meantime, we still have honey from the people who gave us the bees!

I used the honey to make three cocktails this weekend! Here they are!

1) Ginger Bee

Ingredients for Two Cocktails
6 oz Pyrat XO Reserve Rum
1/2 oz honey
1 oz Cointreau
Ten leaves Cinnamon Basil plus two sprigs of flowers for garnish
1-2 oz candied ginger chunks plus two chunks for garnish

Instructions
Add honey, ginger and basil to shaker with ice and muddle well
Add rum and cointreau, shake
Pour into two chilled cocktail glasses, add basil sprigs and ginger

2) Bee Leg Fizz

(This is a variation on a Bootleg Fizz, but with bees! And de-highballed!)

Ingredients for Two Cocktails

6 oz Greylock Gin
Juice from one Meyer Lemon
1/4 cup chopped lavender plus two sprigs lavender for garnish
1/2 oz honey
1/2 oz lavender syrup
1/4 cup stiffly whipped egg whites

Instructions
Add honey, syrup, lemon juice, and lavender to shaker with ice, muddle
Add gin and egg white, shake like crazy
Pour into two chilled cocktail glasses, garnish with lavender sprigs.

3) Spicy Bee

Ingredients for 2 drinks
6 oz Dogfish Head Jin
1/4 cup fresh chopped mint, plus two sprigs for garnish
1/2 oz honey
1/2 oz dry vermouth
6 rings oil-packed deep fried hot peppers, plus 2 for garnish

Instructions
Add mint, honey, and peppers to shaker with ice and muddle
Add gin and vermouth, shake
Pour into chilled cocktail glasses, add mint and pepper garnish

It seems like I’ve been doing this for longer than two weeks! A lot of the routines seem easier than they did in the beginning. Even though I can’t follow along perfectly– or even well- yet, I actually feel like I’m not hopeless or lost, and nothing feels like it’s out of the realm of “ever possible.” Two days this past week, I had barely broken a sweat after ten minutes of working out, so I did another ten minute routine. The third day I tried that, though, I was too tired and achey after one to try to do more.

I’m also getting significantly better at several of the Wii Fit routines! The one problem with the Wii Fit is it automatically weighs you and uses your BMI as a milestone for how well you’re doing. I wish there were other ways to set to measure your progress! I am not really interested in losing weight, but it’s annoying for the machine to keep telling me I’m not meeting my milestones because I’m not losing any weight. Well, I am, but not as much as the Wii thinks I should. My weight is down about a pound after a week and a half.

I have been walking a lot outdoors, lately, too. Today, I walked for about two and a half hours, not including the approximate hour I spent walking between home and work twice. I’m impressed I walked as much as I did!

A lot of people say that working out regularly gives them more energy and makes them sleep better, though, and I don’t feel that at all. In fact, I’ve been sleeping worse and having a harder time waking up in the morning since I started.

I think that is all the update for this week!

I know most of the people reading this aren’t this kind of guy, because I make an effort only to associate with the kind of guy who isn’t an asshole. But I figure it’s still useful for y’all to know what a fairly large portion of your gender likes to put women through.

To the rest of you, I do not leave my house for the sole purpose of giving you something to ogle. I do not get dressed in the morning to please strange men I don’t know. Hell, I don’t even get dressed to please any men I do know. I get dressed for me.

To the rest of you, my entry into your workplace or the place in which you shop does not signal my interest in being ogled, or better yet, my interest in putting up with lewd comments from you. My proximity to you does not mean I am inviting your commentary on my hair, my manner of dress, or my looks.

To the rest of you, as much as you might fantasize about being a sports announcer, you can get through the five minutes in which an attractive woman is in our presence without offering narration.

To the rest of you, fooling a woman into conversing with you so that you can segue into verbally objectifying her by asking her for the time, or directions, or any other inane question isn’t clever or cute. It’s harrassing and insulting.

To the rest of you, when I tell you that your presence following me on the street or in the grocery store is unwelcome, you are not the victim.

To the rest of you, don’t even try to claim you meant it as a compliment, because you damn well know it isn’t.

To the rest of you, for once in my life, I would like to manage to get through a week without having at least one of you think that you are entitled to force your way into my life, to intrude on my personal business, to make me feel uncomfortable in a place that has been, up until that point, part of my daily routine. For once in my life, I would like to not have future visits to a place colored by a negative interaction. For once in my life, I would like not to worry that you might be a regular customer, too, that I might have to interact with you in the future, that even if you don’t open your mouth this time, you might try to follow me around the store, or just give me pointed looks when I have to get something from the shelf next to where you are standing, not shopping, staring at the women walking by.

To the rest of you, the next time you speak to me this way in your place of work, please immediately inform your manager that you have lost them a customer. And you’ve probably lost them other customers, who aren’t me, and who don’t tell you to your face that you’re being a sexist ass.

To those of you who are not part of that group, thank you for taking action when I tell you there’s a problem in your store. Thank you for making me feel like if I do go back there and something happens again, someone will do something about it. Keep doing that. Better yet, take action when you see it happening, or hear it happening, don’t wait until I come to you to complain. Even if it’s not your workplace, say something. Get a manager. Make sure those men who are hurting your reputation as men don’t see silence as approval.

To all of you, when one man does this, it hurts all of you, because we women have to be more suspicious, more protective, and less friendly with strangers we meet. Some awesome woman might ignore your earnest request for directions, or your earnest compliment, because she’s fed up with those of you to whom this letter is directed. We have to be less kind, less patient, less open, just to get through the day without feeling as if our personal space is being invaded. I don’t want to live that way, and I’m sure you don’t, either.

Love,

Tea

shaenon

andrewfarago

goraina

yaytime

Then on Tuesday, Shaenon and Andrew came to King Features and we went out with Brendan, and then they were bestowed with many King-Featuriffic Gifts. On Wednesday, we went out to the Carnegie Deli with their friend Jessica. On Thursday, we just got sushi and hung out, and Shaenon retired undefeated from Wii Boxing:

When questioned about her meteoric rise to Wii Boxing supremacy, Shaenon answered, “I have a lot of rage.” She then returned to pummeling her virtual opponents.

On Friday, Shaenon and Andrew left to go to Vassar! I had a quiet evening at home but I also decided, after playing Wii games for the first time in a while, that I really needed to make a more conscious effort to get in shape. I’ll tell you more about that in a different post.

Saturday was a quiet day where I ran some errands and worked valiantly on this week’s comic for thirteen straight hours. On Sunday, though, I rested! Well, technically, on Sunday, I went to lunch with intrepia and her boyfriend, Lawrence, and we chatted about comics and poetry and LJ and all kinds of things. They were totally awesome and I am super excited that they only live a few blocks away. Hooray new pals!

Me & Connie!

Then Shaenon and Andrew came back, and we went downtown, stopped in at Forbidden Planet for comics, and then went to Lombardi’s for pizza and Rice to Riches for rice pudding. They are seriously the best houseguests ever and I will miss them! They even left me an awesome card that was waiting for me when I got home at lunch.

Tonight, I went out to Long Island to watch my mom get recommended for tenure as principal of her school. Everyone there was so nice and so kind and had such wonderful things to say about her. It was really touching. I am so proud of my mommy! She is amazing.

On Friday, I got an envelope in the mail. It was delivered to work, and at first I just thought it was another submission. Until I noticed that it was addressed to me by name and not to “Submissions Editor” or any one of the various synonyms to which the submissions are addressed. I was a little surprised, and stood in the mailroom wondering for a moment whether a cartoonist had somehow found my name somewhere. Which wouldn’t have been the most shocking thing ever, but it would have been the first time it had happened. I opened it to see what it was.

Here is what:

Also, I see that whirled is going to be trying to post a blog post every day for a month. So I think I will try to do the same!

I figured I had put them in my purse, and kept walking.

A few steps later, I thought to myself, “Hey. Wouldn’t it be funny if I threw my keys out?”

Except it totally wouldn’t, and now the seed was planted.

I stopped walking, and looked through my purse. “Cut it out, Tea,” I thought. “They must be in there, you’re just being silly. You’re sometimes absentminded, but throw your keys out? Really?”

So I walked a few more steps. I couldn’t shake this anxiety. So I checked my purse again.

No keys.

I walked back to my apartment. “Tea,” I thought to myself. “Look, you put the trash in an empty, clean can, and it wasn’t icky trash. What’s the worst that happens, you pick up the trash back and you keys aren’t there? Look, there’s your super–”

The train of thought stopped long enough to wave to the super.

“And if they’re not in the trash, you can ask him to open the door because you probably just left them in your apartment without thinking.”

I took the lid off the trashcan. Whew. No one had put anything gross in there.

I picked up the bag. There, at the bottom of the freshly-replaced trash bag, were my keys.

I can’t help thinking this same scenario could have been a lot more traumatic.