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Seas Of Erin > Cecilia > ...though I knew I never should.
Posted by: Jochy Melechen Apr 28 2008, 12:23 AM
Jochy had been doing what he had been told to do for once, and had keep keeping out of trouble. Since it was morning he had got himself some food, and retreated to a quiet corner with the mirror. He didn't know what was going to happen, but like hell he was going to keep that one open all the time. it was draining. very draining.
Instead, once he was done with the bread, he had pulled off his boot, examining his tightly bandage foot.
One by one he wiggled his toes. Ow.
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh Apr 28 2008, 12:27 AM
Without much warning, Spider sidestepped around Jochy. "You. Sit down. Let's take a look at it." She kicked over a spare box, which had at one point in its career contained salt-cod, and pushed it near enough for him to prop his foot on it. The girl's demeanour was brusque, but not exactly unkind.
Posted by: Jochy Melechen Apr 28 2008, 12:31 AM
Jochy nearly jumped, letting out a soft hiss of surprise before he relaxed. He was jumpier than normal, that was hard to hide.
"Oh hell woman, yer out to make me die of fright as well?" But he didn't really sound accusatory, and he did sit down quite fast.
He put his foot up on the barrel, quite gently. The bandage was still wrapped tightly, but a bit spotty in places where the wound had seeped through. "It's alright. Just hurt. And I did deserve it." He still looked quite curious around her, as if he half expected her to go off on him again.
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh Apr 28 2008, 12:34 AM
Very gently, Spider sat down, transferred the foot into her own lap, and began to unwind the bandages. "You need to change these," she pointed out as she worked her way down to skin, "they're startin' to stick." She made a slight face at the original messy wound, then carefully dabbed at some of the fresher bloody patches. "You deserved somethin'," she agreed. "Probably not a kick to the bad foot. Why didn't you just say you knew where she'd gone?"
Posted by: Jochy Melechen Apr 28 2008, 12:37 AM
"Because I didn't know where she was gone." Jochy grimaced as she unwound the bandage, underneath the wound was not very pretty. Not getting worse, just not... very pretty. It showed signs of healing, but the fact remained that a twisted metal slug had gone straight through his foot, and he hadn't really been keeping still lately.
"As to why I didn't say anything yesterday?" He sighed and shook his head. "She asked me not to. And her reasons made sense at the time. Not saying I've got the best judgment but... she did. At least I thought so."
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh Apr 28 2008, 12:40 AM
Spider lowered his foot back down. "Don't move," she told him, and meant it. "I'm gonner go find something to splint this. See here? Every time you twist your foot at the ankle it's gonner tear this bit here open again. You've got to keep it still."
After a moment, her eyes fell on another empty, slatted box. With her knife, she began to pry out staples to dismantle it. "Your judgement," she said bluntly, "is shite."
Posted by: Jochy Melechen Apr 28 2008, 12:45 AM
"I know that bit. Ain't exactly news. That's why I try to have others do the judging, you know? Only problem is, when people go head to head it ain't easy to know. Si thought she was right, Andre thought the same. But I couldn't just tell her no. Or... well, I could but..."
He swore softly to himself, but kept still. "It's so damn hard saying no to those girls."
It was. It really was.
Looking down at his foot he confessed. "I kept still on Iolanthe's ship, but that whole business with the dogs and everything... there's been too much damn running and jumping. I'm... I ain't used to this. Used to healing faster."
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh Apr 28 2008, 12:48 AM
"Of course you tell 'em no!" Spider shot back. "Lugh's arm, man, you don't let a stubborn chit like her do whate'er pops into her head. I'd done something like that at her age? I'd've gotten the fear beat back into me when I got caught. I would've gone into the whole situation knowin' that I were gonner get the fear beat into me. And that I were gonner get caught. And knowin' I deserved it."
Posted by: Jochy Melechen Apr 28 2008, 12:52 AM
"So would I." Jochy shrugged bitterly. "Did it help then? Getting beat up?" He shook his head as soon as he had said it. "Forget it."
Instead he gave her a look and asked. "Andre's gonna be torn to bits about which one of you to take care of the most. And yer needs are pretty much mutually exclusive. This might not be a good solution, but it was -a- solution."
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh Apr 28 2008, 12:57 AM
"No, but it sure as hell kept me in line 'til the fever passed on some of the stupider schemes, that's for damn sure."
The girl gave him a steely look. With the point of her knive she scored deep into one of the thin, loose slats, then snapped the slat off even.
"She's his daughter," Spider said icily. "There's not e'en a question there. Not that I'm much great shakes, but I can forage for meself most of the time. Si still needs help."
Posted by: Jochy Melechen Apr 28 2008, 01:02 AM
Jochy supposed it was less than smart to argue with a woman with a knife.
"Maybe it wasn't. But things have changed now, hasn't it?" He gave a nod at her belly. "It ain't just yerself anymore. I mean listen, alright? I know I'm an idiot most of the time. No argument there. But Si is smart, and for some reason bloody desperate to get back home to her grandfather. You are pregnant. And... i mean seriously, if yer not careful, shit can happen. Exhaustion, illness. I've seen a woman loose a child just 'cause she..." He shut up right there.
After a moment he continued, a bit more quietly. "Apparently Tuatha ain't too good at having kids. And what being half and half will do I have no clue. But don't go around tryin' to be what yer was before, 'cause that will mean yer an idiot as well. And with me and Andre around we still got our share."
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh Apr 28 2008, 01:14 AM
Spider's whole face went tight, as if she had been kicked in the stomach. She lowered her eyes back down to the task at hand, measure the two slats against the sides of Jochy's ankles, then binding them tight with the bandages. "Aye. I'll take it into account, as soon as I figure out how much of that is honest concern and how much of it were you coverin' your own arse."
Without warning, she lashed the last bandage tight and shoved Jochy's foot off her lap.
Posted by: Jochy Melechen Apr 28 2008, 01:19 AM
"I actually am concerned." Jochy sucked in a breath as she bound up his foot. "I've got my reasons. I mean... well, other reasons than the fact that I actually likes you and Andre, I... I just don't like kids getting hurt."
It was a weird debt to have, the one he owed Morgana. Not that the woman would ever call him on it, but that didn't change a thing.
"Besides, I'm actually lousy at covering my own arse, otherwise I would just have lied to you back then and there, an... ow!" It didn't really hurt when she shoved his foot away, but by now he was paranoid about it.
"Whatever comes of what I did, I ain't about to run away from it."
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh Apr 28 2008, 01:22 AM
"Of course you got reasons. I just don't know if they're the same reasons anyone else would have or ones you make up special just for you." Spider bit her lip and drew a knee up protectively to hide her stomach. "You did me one good turn. One. I know it. Here's mine. After this shite Andre's gonner be itchin' for an excuse to dump you out on your arse. He might've already found his excuse in this business with Si. But this much for certain: if he had heard what you just said to me, you'd be gone. No questions."
Posted by: Jochy Melechen Apr 28 2008, 01:32 AM
"Okay." Jochy shrugged, giving Spider a look. "A woman helped me out once. I mean pretty much saved my life. She was pregnant at the time, and the effort made her miscarry. She said that it would probably have happened anyway, but I always felt guilty as hell over it. Because I ain't sure if it's true or not, or if she was just trying not to think of the risks or... hell, I don't know. I really don't. But I wouldn't want that to happen to anyone else. For just trying too hard to keep up."
At the last he sighed, shoulders slumping a bit. "What I said to you... which bit? I... hell, this ain't an act you know? I ain't pissing him off on purpose. I just.... sometimes I just don't get it."
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh Apr 28 2008, 01:45 AM
"The whole long bit about 'if yer not careful, shit can happen.' Seriously, man, do you e'er take a moment to realise how you sound to other people? That whole speech might've sounded like a goddamn threat to someone as didn't know you're an idiot." She glared at him. "Andre's already worried sick o'er this kid. He's not gonner take anything like that with good humour. And apparently he thinks I get upset over a pricked finger. Understand?"
Posted by: Jochy Melechen Apr 28 2008, 01:50 AM
"I... no, I didn't think about that. I mean hell, I wouldn't threaten you!" Jochy did look rather shocked at the suggestion, then more than a bit guilty.
Well, it wasn't that surprising with his reputation, was it.
"I'll try to be more careful. Just never used to care about what people thought, some habits are hard to change. Just..." He fell silent, chewing a bit on his lower lip before he continued.
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh Apr 28 2008, 01:58 AM
"Try harder," Spider said bluntly. She let out a deep sigh, looking him over with a fraction more sympathy. "You're running out of chances, mate. With everyone. You've got to straighten up. I don't want to see you kicked out with nowhere to go, but I ain't gonner go out of my way to defend you, neither. Not when it's everyone's arse on the line if you fuck up."
Posted by: Jochy Melechen Apr 28 2008, 02:03 AM
"I know I'm running out of chances. It just seems that the more I try, the more I fuck up. It's alright when it's not people I care about, but when it is... I screw up." He scratched the back of his head, giving her a thin smile.
"Not asking yer to defend me. But thanks for the advice. And it ain't like I don't know what's gonna happen eventually." That made him grown faintly, shaking his head. "No, what -might- happen. But it ain't gonna. And I'm not used to taking orders. That's part of the problem I guess, people of authority... makes me wanna fuck them up. I am trying to ignore it but... I've been too used doing whatever I fancy for too long."
He was silent for a little, then added. "I know it's probably ain't gonna work out with me and Elaine. Guess that's one stone off Andre's back at least."
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh Apr 28 2008, 02:18 AM
Spider raked her fingers back through the hair at her temples. "It is not all right when it's not people you care about. You can't divvy folks up like that. Maybe it's different if it's people who screwed you o'er, people who deserve it--but if they're just people? No, Jochy. No. You can't." She bit her lip again. "And if you don't like takin' orders you sure as hell come to the wrong place. Elaine or no Elaine, Andre or no Andre. It's not a matter of people givin' orders because they like bossin' folks around. E'en Judes weren't like that, and she did like bossin' people around. It's flat-out survival. Things gotter be done."
Posted by: Jochy Melechen Apr 28 2008, 07:49 AM
"No, no, yer misunderstand." Jochy held up his hand, looking rather eager to correct the mistake. "I didn't mean that it was okay to fuck things up with people I don't care about, I meant that... I didn't. Not as such. It... it feels clearer you know? When I am dealing with them? I don't do as much stupid shit then. I noticed it with Iolanthe first, I... it actually worked, you know? Being on her ship. Taking orders. Helping out. I didn't fuck that one up again. I'm pretty sure she doesn't hate my guts as such." A faint frown there as he added "I hope."
He looked down, leaning forward a bit to contemplate his foot. "And I know as much as it ain't what I like, but maybe it's what I need. Taking orders. I'm serious about this. It worked on her ship, and... I am gonna make it work here. And I'm not that stupid." He looked up, finally, giving Spider a faint smile. "It's just that when I care about people I bend over backwards to please them at times, and I just don't have a clue how to do it right apparently."
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh Apr 29 2008, 03:29 PM
Spider couldn't restrain a chuckle. "Oh boy. You're like workin' with a little kid. There's two kinds of juniors, the ones as think they already know everything and won't listen to anyone else, and the kind are so scared of screwin' up that they fall all o'er themselves makin' sure they do everything right to the word. But you're not a little kid, Joch. Gods' sake, you're my age, ain't you? Nobody should have to watch you every minute to make sure you don't . . . I don't know, let other people break the rules when you know better. It's only gonner come back on you. You've marked yourself as untrustworthy, and there's too much shit to do to assign someone to spend every waking heartbeat walkin' around behind you."
From the strain in her voice and her face, the girl clearly realised she was in deeper waters than she normally dealt with; she was having trouble getting her point across. Her hands roamed and gestured as if trying to draw the right words out of thin air. "And it's not that either. Some people . . . you met Key, right? And I know you know Starling. They're sort of . . . unpredictable, but in a pattern, like. Somethin' goes wrong, you can sort of attribute it to them if you know 'em well. There's a . . . style to 'em. You don't have that. You're all o'er the damn board. It's hard to say what you're gonner get into next enough to keep you from it. And be honest, that's damn scary." Her tongue played in the notch of her front tooth. "We've got to be able to trust you again, and I don't know if that's worth the risk anymore."
Posted by: Jochy Melechen Apr 29 2008, 08:12 PM
Jochy listened to her quite intently, it wasn't like he was shrugging this off or anything. He really wanted to get it, it was just that...
Damn. This shit was hard. He hadn't really worked with others before, at all. Hell, most of the times he had, it's been for very short periods of time, and he had only been in it for himself. He knew he wasn't trustworthy, hell that was the very FIRST thing he had said to Seth when they met. That he couldn't be trusted.
Not that Seth had listened but... fair warning.
But he really didn't want to be that man anymore. He was sick and tired of it, the shine had worn off quite some time ago.
"Okay." The words came hesitatingly, as if he tried them on for size, one by one. "I know what yer saying. And there ain't nothing I can really say that won't make the hole I'm in deeper. I know that. I ain't that good with words. If yer think it ain't worth the risk to give me a shot... say so now and I'll be gone. Can't hold that against you. The reasons'll just be between you and me." He was looking at her now, rather thoughtfully. "But there ain't no way I can talk you into trusting me. I can only prove it. And I know I've blown just about every chance I've got so far but... please." That was not a word he used very often.
But he did so now. "I want to do this. It ain't no bloody whim."
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh Apr 30 2008, 06:59 PM
Spider propped her own foot on the box, forearm slung casually over her knee, and gave Jochy a frank, tolerant look. "Jochy. It's not up to me. I'd like to help you, if I thought I could. But for one thing, I don't know what sort of help you need, and for another . . . the final decision's up to Andre, not me."
Posted by: Jochy Melechen Apr 30 2008, 07:07 PM
"I know the final decision is up to Andre, but I also knows that if yer want me off, there's no way in hell he's gpnna say no. Not as smitten as he is." Jochy gave her a rather soft smile.
Hey, he could still be a sap at times.
"I don't need help. There's only one bloody person that can do this, and it's me. I've been expecting others to... hell, I dunno. I think I've been expecting myself to fuck up for so long it's become second nature. That ain't something someone else can help with. But thanks for the thought."
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh Apr 30 2008, 07:18 PM
Spider could not quite hold onto her resolve enough not to blush. She twisted her ring, which still felt awkward and out-of-place, as if it were a foreign object imbedded just under her skin rather than riding on top of it. "I wish I could say it don't have anything to do with him and me. I know it does. But he listens to my opinion on these things, too. Best I can give you is I'll always cut straight with you. Everything else is on your own head."
Posted by: Jochy Melechen Apr 30 2008, 07:24 PM
"That's all I'm asking. I ain't asking to be treated much differently from everybody else. If I fuck up, deal with me as you would with them." He had a rather amused look on his face, watching her play with the ring.
"Feels weird, doesn't it?"
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh Apr 30 2008, 07:26 PM
Spider threw back her head in a laugh born of pure exasperation. She tucked her hand into a fist to hide the ring. "I'm just wearin' it in port so that he'll have somethin' to introduce me by. It's no great thing."
Posted by: Jochy Melechen Apr 30 2008, 07:30 PM
"Oh if it wasn't a great thing, why the hell did you get that look on yer face then? Seriously Spider, I... well, seeing you two really drives home the point of exactly what I did fuck up."
Jochy's lips quirked in a smirk directed at nobody but himself.
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh Apr 30 2008, 07:34 PM
"If you knew what you were gonner fuck up," Spider said, "then why didn't you just . . . I don't know, stop?"
Posted by: Jochy Melechen Apr 30 2008, 07:37 PM
"Because I got pissed off. Because I got stupid. Because I got scared. Because of the one million little things that each of them didn't seem to matter but then there was a mountain of them that was impossible to ignore or dig through."
Jochy sighed shoulders sagging lightly.
"We came in this wrong from the start. I made it damn clear to Seth at the beginning that I wouldn't just sleep with him exclusively, and at that time he agreed. I don't think either of us expected to fall in love that deeply, and by then all the habits were already set. And resentment ain't exactly a healthy way to build a relationship."
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh May 3 2008, 11:55 PM
Spider gave Jochy an unexpectedly tight, hot little look, unsure whether she should be patting his shoulder or giving him a hard shake. "Sorry, but sleepin' around sounds like a bit more'n a 'bad habit'. A bad habit is diggin' in your ears or interruptin' people when they're talkin'. There's--" It was also a little hard to digest that this was two men Jochy was discussing. "So you screwed up. Maybe you can't fix that one. There's lots of things that can't be fixed, mate."
Posted by: Jochy Melechen May 4 2008, 12:16 AM
"Well... maybe yer right there. And I don't know whether it can be fixed or not. What I do know is that it can't be fixed when we're like this. So time..." Jochy looked down at his hands for a moment, then shrugged.
"Time will sort out a lot of shit I hope. I know I might seem as screwed up as ever but..." He gave her a look then, quite a thoughtful one. "I used to be worse. A lot worse. In a few years I hope I'll look back and think the same thing."
At least he could always lean against that one thing.
He was making progress, even when he looked at all the little things he messed up.
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh May 4 2008, 12:21 AM
"You're . . . you're not the only one who needs to fix himself up. Really. You're not. As long as you keep workin' on it . . . " But even in the throes of sympathy, Spider could not quite keep herself away from practical matters. "Trouble is, right now if you piss someone off bad enough, they're not gonner be much moved if you tell 'em 'look, I'm workin' on this, you should've seen me a couple years back.' They're just gonner slug you one. You need to work on right now."
Posted by: Jochy Melechen May 4 2008, 12:25 AM
"I know. And I ain't asking for sympathy. Or maybe I am." Jochy frowned there, obviously trying to search his own motivations. "It's hard to tell at times. But I don't mind getting slugged now and again, there's no hard feelings at least." He fingered his slightly swollen lip where Andre had hit him.
He hadn't bit himself this time, and there was no blood. The foot had been far worse.
"And I'm trying. It's just that I'm a sucker for being talked into stupid shit by cute girls. It's hard to deny the twins anything, you know?"
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh May 4 2008, 12:32 AM
"Good to know we'll ne'er have that problem, then," Spider quipped rather acidly, though mostly directed toward herself. "It'd be a whole lot easier if you were askin' for sympathy, Joch. That would at least be . . . y'know, normal, what anyone else would do. It's this whole attitude of I-knew-you'd-be-pissed-so-I-did-it-behind-your-back that gets grit under me nails."
Posted by: Jochy Melechen May 4 2008, 12:38 AM
"Okay..." Jochy sucked in a breath, pondering whether he should say something about that. He didn't want to, not at all, but... he sort of trusted Spider. At least she'd let her guard down around him. He knew she had enough bad baggage herself.
So he shrugged.
"It's not that weird. I... don't tell anyone but... the first bloody thing I learned from my fa... parents was that there was no use asking for sympathy or understanding. And I could never be good enough. So that left being sneaky enough. And there was no use trying to deny what I'd been doing once I was found out so... it felt better being cocky about it. Made me feel a hell of a lot less vulnerable." He tried to wipe away the frown that had etched itself on his face, failing badly.
"I can understand if it seems bloody weird, but it feels better getting kicked around for things you did, than for things you didn't."
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh May 4 2008, 12:48 AM
Spider gave him a flat look. "I already told you back there. I've worked with feckin' Judith; I can deal with anything bein' stuck on the same ship with me: killers, thieves, perverts--anything except for a damn liar. I expect Andre's the same way." He face softened as she brushed the white hair out of her eyes. "I'm sorry for you. But you're not there any more. Nobody here's your parents. And while we have a higher set of standards, I also like to think we're a bit more fair about how things get mete out, too."
Posted by: Andre Romain May 4 2008, 12:49 AM
"Who fucked up what Andre asked, looking suddenly worried, as he entered the room.
Posted by: Jochy Melechen May 4 2008, 12:53 AM
"Nothing new since you arrived." Jochy shook off the worried look, dropping the subject he had been talking about with Spider like a rock.
"We were just talking. So did the chat with Judes make yer feel better or worse about the other ship?" He was more than a bit curious.
Because hell, Si was on it, and even if she was competent.. well... what Spider had said hadn't really endeared him to the other captain.
Posted by: Andre Romain May 4 2008, 12:58 AM
"Judith is holding them," Andre replied. "I've given the orders to raise anchor. We need to get there as soon as possible, and she says we'll be back by evening if all goes well."
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh May 4 2008, 01:01 AM
Spider pushed herself up from her box. "On it." She couldn't help but look smug. "I told her Judes'd hold down the ship if we asked. And nothing's fucked-up. We were just talkin'. For morale, like."
Posted by: Jochy Melechen May 4 2008, 01:06 AM
"So have yer figured out whether you gonna drag Si back as well Captain? Or do you just wanna put the fear of Judes into this Gino character?"
Jochy eased himself to his feet, it was probably smart, but the new split made him feel clumsier than ever. He'd have to get a cane. Again.
"And... I guess... but no, yer already thought of that probably..." Jochy's voice faded to quiet as he talked to himself.
Posted by: Andre Romain May 4 2008, 01:11 AM
"Thought of what?" Andre asked. He sighed, raising his hands up in the air. "I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just...making certain I know what my daughter is doing before she leaves with a stranger."
Posted by: Jochy Melechen May 4 2008, 01:12 AM
"Just that to have a ship stopped mid-ocean might freak people out, and people that gets freaked out tends to blame the new people amongst them."
Jochy scratched the back of his neck.
Posted by: Andre Romain May 4 2008, 01:13 AM
Andre gave Jochy a pained look. "Shut the hell up, Jochy," he snapped. "You're lucky you're still on the ship."
Posted by: Jochy Melechen May 4 2008, 01:15 AM
"Yes captain." There was no mockery there, he even managed a passable salute.
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh May 4 2008, 01:18 AM
Spider glanced upward as if anticipating the skies to fall or lightning to descend. When it didn't happen in roughly one second, she decided it wasn't going to and went on. "Matter at hand," she pointed out quietly. "Let's get this rig rollin'. What happened to the big fellow, is he still aboard with us?"
Posted by: Andre Romain May 4 2008, 01:21 AM
"He's here," Andre replied. "And we've got another." He took a deep breath. "My old first mate was wandering around dockside. I...I'm starting to get a little worried about this. One, I could deal with, but two? Two is too much of a coincidence to discount."
He gave Jochy an exceedingly tired look.
Posted by: Jochy Melechen May 4 2008, 01:25 AM
Jochy didn't say anything. Because coincidences?
He wasn't surprised. At all.
Bloody gods weaving their nets. But he didn't fancy being caught in them, not that he had a choice. Not now.
So he just gave Andre a nod. "I'll be on deck then. I'll check in and see if Si's alright, but I won't say a word to her. Just wanna check. That's alright with you?"
Posted by: Spider Ceallaigh May 4 2008, 01:30 AM
Spider gave an exasperated sigh through her nose. "I've ne'er met this lady in black of yours, but comin' from my end of things? At least she's bein' goddamn useful."
Posted by: Andre Romain May 4 2008, 01:35 AM
Andre sighed. "Fine. Go check with Sylvie. She needs a mother," he said to Jochy, waving him off, before he smiled slightly at Spider. "Yes. She is that, at least. We've got a crew of our own. Almost."
Posted by: Jochy Melechen May 4 2008, 01:38 AM
Jochy limped topside, biting back any snide comments he might have had.... and there were plenty of those.
But he held his tongue.
Instead he limped up, finding a quiet corner so he could just check real fast if Si was alright. No words...
He just wanted to make sure.
And once that was done, he'd see if there was anything he could do to make himself useful... well, that and finding himself something to lean on.
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