She nodded. "All right. I just want you to be happy, Maitiu." She told him, earnestly. "And not be killed. Not necessarily in that order." She gave him a thin smile. "Because you.. you look scared and unhappy to leave and then you tell me it doesn't matter. And you say you're a bard in the same breath that you say that you haven't felt like one for fourteen years. I don't know which one is right."

"I can feel both," he said quietly. "I can be sad to leave, and still want to leave. The point is, I like living. Period. I don't care where I do it, as long as I do plenty of it. Anything that threatens to impede that is to be avoided."

She seemed to relax. "I suppose I understand feeling both ways. And I want to keep living too, but I resent being called a coward. It's stupid and prideful, but that's what I feel." She looked at him hesitantly again. "Moira said this would help. Talking about feelings, I mean."

"That's boilerplate," Maitiu said. "That's what they teach everyone who crosses. What she did not tell you is that if you do not share your feelings, or if you try to lie about them, she'll go in there and wrench them out of you."

Barbara smiled and knocked against him. "I mean us." She said, quietly. "Just us. No crossing, no barding, none of that. She said talking helps." She kissed his cheek.

"Oh." He looked faintly embarrassed. "Gotcha." He frowned, confused. "I am not havin' any particular emotion about this except for vague dread. You?"

"Same. I'm tired." She shifted. "I'm not good at this. I know we've been.. poking at one another's sore spots lately, and I wanted to know what I could do to fix it. And fix, you know, help you. Moira says people can't be fixed." She sighed. "Help. And she said we have to talk to one another and not be afraid of healing."

"I have been trying to heal," he said, frustrated. "I'm not afraid. I'm just afraid I'm going to get sick of trying."

She nodded although she didn't look convinced. "Then maybe we try something new." She offered, lightly. "To keep you from getting tired."

"Something that works?" he said bitterly. "That might help."