"I said I had thought about it. For his sake." She twisted her fingers. "He wants children. A home. He says he wants me. I do not know if he realises how all those things would tie me down."

"So the things he wants would make you not be you anymore?" Elaine tried, cautious. "I get that. If someone told me they wanted me to have their children now, I would...well, I couldn't do it. It would keep me from learning what I need to learn. Can you tell him that?" she asked. "Can you explain to him that what he wants isn't what you want, and you can't change that even if you love him? The two of you...one of you is going to have to give up what you really want for the two of you to stay together. And maybe that's why...you know. Dierdre. She knows what your life is, right? She's known you long enough that she would want you to have the life you wanted."

"Marcello is afraid of time," she said. "As am I. E'en under the best of circumstances, he won't be able to live his life with me here, and we don't know if I'm e'en able to have children yet. He seems to feel that I'm rejecting him, along with the marriage."

"Well, you are," Elaine answered. "He's offering himself and the life he wants is part of who he is. But if the two of you don't want the same life, then you sort of do need to reject him. Part of my whole problem is that I have no clue what my life is even going to be. But there've still been times when I've told Jochy that this is my life and he can take it or leave it. You can't tell someone you love all of them except the part of them that's what they want for the future."

She let out a sigh. "Of course, if I tell him about Dierdre and I, it might solve all the debating for me," she said.

Elaine frowned for a moment. "Okay. I have two things to say here. And they're both going to sound kind of callous, but I have to say them. First off, his sister's leaving with us. He's not going to have a way to go home if you don't tell him soon. And second, is this whole thing with Dierdre just a way to sabotage the thing with Marcello because it's easier to fuck it up than to work it out or have him leave you over anything that wouldn't be your fault? And I think the way you address number one probably is dependent on how you feel about number two."

Niabheara hunched into herself. She had to twist in place to address Elaine eye to eye. "It's neither! It's . . . " She bit her bottom lip. "I tried to tell him about Dierdre from the start. I told him there was something wrong. But it seemed ridiculous to be mooning o'er something that could go nowhere. There's too much to it." She squeezed her hands together. "Mother's leaving soon. It will have to be now."

"You obviously didn't try," Elaine said. "There's something wrong," isn't the same as "I'm sleeping with somebody else." And I kind of doubt he didn't ask you what was wrong. It's not like you told him you were sleeping with her and he pretended not to hear you or thought you were making it up or didn't believe you. It doesn't have to be now," she said. "It just depends whether you want to make it easy or hard for him to leave."

She slipped off the end of the bed. "I owe him that much. He's been tethered to me since he came. I may as well give him a chance to leave."

Elaine raised her eyebrows. "You realize that's sort of like saying you want him to go, right?"